In one of my recent posts, I mentioned that my goal is to get a PhD in Social Psychology with a focus on motivation. One of the key factors of motivation that I’m interested in is personality, specifically how different aspects of it affect one’s drive and ability to achieve goals. So when I came across this new personality quiz over the weekend, I was all over it!
The “5 Love Languages” were created by Dr. Gary Chapman who, after 30 years of marriage counseling, noticed that there appeared to be trends in the way people expressed love. Dr. Chapman took his findings and developed these languages as a way to describe the five different ways people can communicate when in any type of relationship. The idea behind it is that by realizing our love language, we will be in tune with the way we most prefer to give and receive love, and thus make more meaningful relationships. For those of us that are in intimate relationships, the love languages can help you and your partner connect on a deeper level or in other words, you’ll be able to figure out what your partner really wants from you.
So without further adieu, the 5 Love Languages are:
- Words of Affirmation:
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
- Quality Time:
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
- Receiving Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures
- Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
- Physical Touch
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.
The love languages are very similar to a personality type in that every person has a dominant one, but also others that work in the background. For me, my dominant quality was “Quality Time” followed by “Physical Touch”.
Despite how weary I was about the accuracy of this quiz, I have to admit that it got me spot on. In every type of relationship, I thrive off quality time, and it’s for that reason that I value having a few close friends more than having a contact list a mile long. I’d much rather spend meaningful time with those I love than have short, dry conversations with 20 people. When I’m upset, I want people to listen to me with undivided attention. And as it states, I can’t stand when people don’t listen to me when I’m talking. So yeah, I’d say it’s pretty accurate!
If you’re itching to take the quiz, you can go ahead and click here. It will first ask you if you are taking it for yourself or a child because there is a separate quiz for those under 17. It will then ask you if you are in a relationship or single, and then prompt you to enter your email before taking the quiz. If you don’t want to do that, there’s a PDF version you can get to by clicking here.
After you take it, look at the chart below to learn how to use your love language 🙂
I really hope you found this insightful. I’m a big advocate of knowing as much about ourselves as possible because doing so allows us to get the most out of life in every way. If you enjoyed it, please comment your dominant trait below! And as always, thank you so much for taking the time to read this. Have a great week 🙂